i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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