Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
