Your mouth is God's brothel.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
