Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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