Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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