dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Too much gin, very little bucket
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
