My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
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It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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