i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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