I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
