She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
