Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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