it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
