i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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