wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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