A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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