i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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