I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
