i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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