I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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