your room smells of hookers.
And success
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
