Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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