Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
