Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
