i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
