Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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