So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
