Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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