I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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