i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize