Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
