I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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