So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
