A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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