I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
