By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
sex in a hospital.. check
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
