U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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