you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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