Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
