yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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