It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
