My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love accidental penises.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
