You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
