a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
