I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
