I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
