yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
