we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
