So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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