He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
