i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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