But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
