Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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