I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
