We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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