Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
