I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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