Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
