put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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