sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
