bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize