i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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