my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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