woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
