half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
