I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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