i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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