Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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