I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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