nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
