that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
